The plus-side to no longer working 12-hour, 10-hour, not even eight-hour days is that I can keep up with my neglected home. First order of business, my stack of hats sitting atop my armoire.
Now, I have a pretty big head (possibly half made of air, yes), and I have pretty big hair (it’s taken me years to accept that my hair isn’t just frizzy, it’s actually curly, and my curly hair-specialist refuses, with valid argument, to thin out my hair with shears), so hats aren’t exactly my best friend (it probably doesn’t help that I don’t treat them very well). I’m just that girl who forcefully invites hats over to hang out on my head no matter if we get along. I like wearing them, despite what people say about hats and big heads. Hats add just a hint of “oomph” to outfits.
But I don’t know how to take care of my hats. They’ve literally been stacked on top of my armoire since we moved here in December and when I want to wear one, I stand as high as possible on my toes and balance the stack off the top of the shelf till they all collapse on my bed.
The floppy hats are crushed and have creases and flop in all the wrong places.
In my defense, the straw hat was advertised as packable and re-shapeable. False! It looks like a poorly wrapped do-rag or one of those arab headpieces.
My stiff-brimmed cloches are all crooked too despite a lesson from a bartender at Virgil’s to keep hats upside down on the head so as not to crookify the brim. (Virgil’s: the original spot for Seven Friday night outings where, yes, we have a drink named after us, the bartenders know our names - heaven help me if I can remember theirs, not even the one who taught me about hats - and we’ve caused much chaos but still, they gave us free appetizers. Oh Virgil’s…).
Crooked stiff-brimmed cloches (they’re not fedoras!):
And since I stack my hats, my feathers get all ruffled:
And I don’t even know why I still own these below. Probably the ones ruffling the feathers. First, a (real) fedora, circa 2003 after Justin Timberlake wore a bunch during his Justified business. Second, I don’t know but I’m pretty sure that’s going to the thrift store today. Third, vivan Los Dodgers!!! (I don’t want to talk about how much they and the franchise suck.) Fourth, probably had a Keira Knightly ambition at the time of purchase because I have never worn it (yet for some reason, it’s not joining the other at the thrift store and I’m keeping it).
And now the immediacy peg (I worked in “news” television so I have to keep things updated). Last Friday was supposed to be Summer Accessories Fashion Friday and the hats scheduled to appear were this season’s Panama and pork-pie hats.
Panama hats - remember that episode of “I Love Lucy” when her antics somehow lead her to rolling cigars and she throws on a hat to hide from Ricky? That’s basically a Panama hat. J. Crew’s all over them this summer.
In my fashion segment, we would have told you that they’re a versatile hat - you can wear it casually with a pair of shorts or laid-back dress, but you can also wear it with a pair or heels or dressy slacks (etc, etc, etc). They’re the fedora-alternative; favorable for several types of styles and shapes (even big heads like mine); the go-to hat this summer. Get one.
Pork-pie hats - I don’t have any cute anecdotes about this one except that Ashley Simpson wears them and I found them on this blog. This would look terrible on me; not suitable for big heads and round faces because it would create a further round face. They’re a little stumpy.
But dudes certainly look hot in them.